4 Reasons To Understand Why Do You Fail in Communication
Change your communication, change your world.
It is lovelessness that makes people incompetent. It is the miscommunication that is hostile to each other. It is indifference that destroys whatever is in favor of beauty. Confucius
We are in contact with almost everything now more than ever before. We spend every moment communicating with something. We can connect with music by plugging our ears, open a video and communicate with the characters there, communicate with people we have never seen by messaging, communicate with the books we read, and even communicate with notifications from a photo we share on our page. In other words, we are in contact with everything and everyone so much that we are incapable of creating a single moment to be alone with ourselves.
On the one hand, this can be seen as an advantage, but day by day, we unconsciously begin to forget what real communication is, which forms the basis of the word “human to human”. Because instead of placing a person in front of us, we started to include a device or phone that we think is smarter and more emotional than us. While this situation inevitably pushes us to be in more communication, the actual communication started to dull our muscles.
As someone who tries to be sensitive and careful about communication, unfortunately, the number of real people around me that I can communicate within a quality way continues to decrease. I can now easily observe that superficial communication is dominant among people. Most of the people are just waiting for their turn to pass instead of listening carefully to the other person, and they are busy with only constructing the sentences they will say in their minds. As such, we cannot go beyond monologue communication.
I am a person who believes that effective, sincere, and correct communication brings real success to people because I have personally witnessed that the communication I have established with people has opened many doors for me. Communication is actually not a very difficult skill, on the contrary, it requires very little attention and empathy, but unfortunately in a world where people are getting lonely day by day, even waiting for it becomes a luxury.
I don’t know if you would agree, but I wanted to make a compilation of my recent observations. Maybe it will raise awareness, maybe we will have a chance to discover some of the shortcomings we have covered.
1. Lack of courtesy and respect
I think this is one of the topics that I have the most trouble with. I come across too many people around me who speak directly and do not know what effect what is said will have an effect on the other side. For example, sometimes I pick up the phone, and my willingness to communicate inevitably diminishes when I deal with people who get straight to the point without asking a question or even a greeting.
In such situations, the first thing I do as soon as I finish speaking is to greet him and ask how he is. When I do this to the same person a few times, I am happy to see that the introduction has changed after a while.
It should not be forgotten that no one has to love anyone, but they have to show respect. Lack of respect will also form the basis of serious problems. We may not like the other person’s opinion, but that never gives us the right to disrespect. Even negative things should have a way of saying it.
I still take the attitude of a friend on this subject as my guide for such situations. During an argument, he says to the other person, “It’s nice to be in touch with you, but it’s better not to be in touch” :)
2. Talking by ignoring the value of the other person
The first thing I feel when interacting with self-centered people is that most of the conversation revolves around the other party. It’s hard not to be surprised at such people who manage to keep talking about their own agenda passionately until the end. As long as the communication is one-sided, unfortunately it is not easy to talk about a communication in that environment.
When I am in contact with such people, instead of feeling valuable, it seems as if my only duty is to make the other person feel valuable. For example, when I ask such people, “How are you, what are you doing?”, the answer I get is one-sided and content with just saying that he is fine. The underlying message is “It’s only me that matters, I don’t care how you are”. Or they don’t need to ask you questions or get information about a topic that is very important to you.
I recommend to stay away from people with this communication style as much as possible, because getting on the agenda of people who put their own self in the center or trying to educate them will not gain you anything, on the contrary, it will make you feel even more worthless.
3. Slang and profanity
I still don’t understand why people include slang or profanity in their speech. Despite this, I come across so many people who sprinkle such bad content patterns into their sentences that I can’t stop questioning them. People prefer to take advantage of swearing when they are going to show love, praise a person or even show their sincerity. I still do not understand what kind of love this is and I have not been able to pass it through my logic.
Cursing is one of the most important factors that show people’s cultural and emotional helplessness. The basic emotion that people who swear are fed is inadequacy, and trying to suppress their inadequacy with swearing turns them into a weak profile, not a strong one in my eyes. There should never be a need to dirty the words when you can speak beautifully and express the beautiful beautifully.
I have never given a place to swearing in my life, and I have always tried to keep away from people who use it, because what I wanted to feed on was never the destructiveness of swear. I wanted to feed off the constructiveness of words that welcome beauty into my life, and this rule will continue.
4. A relationship based on self-interest
Unfortunately, some people tend to use communication only as long as it works for them. For example, someone you haven’t spoken to for a long time may approach you as the most sincere person in the world just because he has lost his job, and disappear in a very short time. When you send a message to someone who texts you just because they are bored, the next day, you may not get the attention of yesterday.
When we use good communication only for our benefit, we only save the moment and deceive ourselves, not the other person, whereas what we need is to build relationships and maintain them. What determines who we are is how we approach people when we don’t need them.
When was the last time you called someone and asked how they were, just to make the other person feel valuable and to be curious about them? If it took you too long to think about it, pick up the phone and call your loved one just to take care of them. I’m sure you’ll feel better than him.
I think this list would go on and on, but since these 4 titles have started to occupy my mind more recently, I wanted to put it into lines to clear my mind. And by the way, I would like to attach these words of Shams-i Tabrizi..
Do something, be nice. Is this so hard? Then say something nice.
Can’t you say? So see something beautiful or write something beautiful.
Can’t you? Then start something good.
But it’s always nice to get something. Because everyone is old enough to die.
Shams-i Tabrizi
Last thoughts from author
- Being a good person isn’t just about being nice to ourselves, we’re actually good people to the extent that we get goodness involved.
- There is nothing as cheap but as meaningful as making the other person feel valuable with a nice word and beautifying their world. You can try.
- We can understand each other to the extent that we remove our selves while speaking. Communication should not be turned into a word race.
- And if we speak well, we welcome good things into our lives, no one can expect benefit and peace from bad words.
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Stay well,
Fatih Saruhan
